On a lovely afternoon.

Lately I've been in a bit of a funk. I am not completely sure of how I got there, but suffice to say it has been mildly irritating. Last night though, I finally broke down and had a good, long cry. It always amazes me, how good I feel after I've let go and let myself cry it all out. That probably sounds odd, but it is absolutely true. I am one of those people who bottles their emotions, without even realizing it sometimes, and it always magnifies the feelings later. Magnified feelings = not so great.

But I am happy to state that the funk is gone. Score one for me! I had the loveliest afternoon today. Husband and I spent it in the park, celebrating a close friend's birthday. All that crying must have done some good, because it was wonderful and relaxed. Sometimes I feel like I forget to live in the moment. I love to be in control of everything, especially my emotions, and I will be the first to say that I have the hardest time relinquishing that control. Nick usually has to pry the control out of my fingers, because I totally have my emotions in a death grip. But that's one of the things that I am working on with my Happiness Project.

Speaking of the Happiness Project, I haven't mentioned it in a while. Or my progress for that matter. Needless to say that I have been quite bad about holding myself accountable. I'm working on that too, as you can imagine. It is a very long list and it takes time. But, I do want to share something small. This is just something that I've been taking the time to incorporate into my daily routine, simply because I take pleasure from it.

I love to sing, always have and probably always will. I sang for Nick at our wedding, because I know that he loves when I sing and to say thank you for loving me. It was a little present from me to him. Now, whenever the mood strikes me (and I'm not in public), I whip out my phone and shuffle through a playlist of songs that I love to sing to. It never fails to fill me up with happiness. And the things is, the songs don't have to be entirely upbeat or happy themselves. I am a sucker for lovely lyrics and sometimes, lovely lyrics come in the form of more somber songs. Here is what I've been listening to lately.

What have you been listening to lately? Please do share! I love to discover new music that I can play endlessly, annoying everyone in my household, including the kitten. Just kidding, sort of.

Savoring those little moments.

Yesterday was a bit rough. I still wasn't feeling well and that meant I was not able to be as productive as I would have liked. Today I feel better, happier and even more motivated to finish a couple of the tasks I began before I started to feel sick. For instance, this morning I plan to finish tackling the guest room filled with all of my useless crap. Seriously, there are plastic containers in there just filled with things that I will never use. So, I will finish going through each container and make a donation pile. Nick is going to have to help me with the donation though. There's a lot to donate. But I'm feeling very good about it.

Last night was a little rough, but Nick and I managed to finish a few more wedding tasks and were able to cross them off our to-do list. That made the day seem a little better. And I tell you what, crossing items off a to-do list can be oh-so satisfying. Furthermore, I am pleased to announce that we have officially booked our honeymoon to Asheville. I may have talked about this before, but we decided to visit a place that was special to us, since we are on a tight budget for the wedding. I'm quite excited about going back to Asheville. We will get to visit our favorite spots and hopefully discover a little more this time. It isn't a luscious, tropical vacation like most honeymoons usually are, but after we've saved some money, we will do plan to go somewhere more tropical. It was our compromise for the time being and a good one at that.

So, I talked about my adventures in the bookstore in my last few posts and I have confession to make. Well, a confession of sorts. I am a sucker for journals and notebooks. Who isn't though? They are just so lovely and inviting, just waiting for you to fill their blank pages with words of wisdom and special moments. Ok, I'm exaggerating a bit. As usual though, I browsed the selection at the bookstore, where the best ones seem to be these days, and came across a journal about gratitude. It's one of those daily journals with prompts (total suck for prompts, right here). It intrigued me, so I picked it up and read through a few of them. The prompts weren't mind-blowing or earth-shattering, but there was something to the idea of expressing what you are grateful for each day. It makes you reflect on your day and the good moments. For instance, the last one I reflected on was about savoring the little moments in your day. Those few extra moments you spend in the shower, sipping your coffee a little more slowly, or lingering in the car to finish singing along with one of your favorite songs (which I do a lot). Needless to say, I bought the journal. Each night I've tried to make a habit of writing in it. It seems to calm me down and let me release the bad moments from my day, in addition to relieving a little stress about tasks that still need to be done. I mention the journal and the prompts because you will most likely hear about them in the future. I'm bound to want to share all of the really good ones with all of you.

I've been reading a little slowly, I admit it. I tend to read about a chapter a day from the Happiness Project, not because I can't read more than that, but I like to really reflect upon each discovery that Gretchen makes. Yesterday was about the novelty of a new activity or purchase, as well as happiness as it relates to work. In order to feel happier, some of us feel the need to buy things. This seems to help in the short-term, but long-term it only makes you feel worse. I mean you are left with less money, a pile of things you didn't actually need, and a soon-to-be-spouse who is less than thrilled about the bedspread you picked out. I've experienced this first hand and it's one of the reasons that I've chosen to de-clutter my life and hold myself more accountable for the things that I purchase. It makes me reflect on the things that I would really want to have (mostly books, food or new music), especially since Nick and I are on a tight budget as soon-to-be newlyweds. I ask myself, "do I really need this?" It doesn't always work as well as I intend for it to, but it does help. Determining what you value most seems to be a recurring theme for my happiness project. Does that mean I've reached a truth, much like Gretchen did in the second chapter? I'm not sure, but the novelty of this project hasn't worn off yet and actually seems to be working, even though I've only just begun.

Work. Hmm, how do I approach this subject? It's a tough one for me because I don't currently have a full-time job. Gretchen talks about the importance of loving what you do and the idea of personal or professional growth. We love to tackle challenges and get upset when we become complacent in a job. She thinks this stems from the fact that we are no longer growing when we become comfortable. I don't know about you, but I do love to be challenged. But I kind of wish that she had applied this in the broader sense, because I believe this applies to the unemployed as well. I am thrilled to be able to spend my time as I see fit during the day, but at the same time I miss having a daily routine or regimen, which often comes with having a job. So it's like being caught in this little whirlpool of not knowing how to feel. I've applied for so many jobs that I've lost count at this point. I have also had a few interviews, but none of them have resulted in an actual job. That's a daunting and depressing realization right there. Just last night, I found out that I wasn't selected for a job that I really wanted. It was disheartening to say the least. I was over-qualified for the position, which I was aware of, and the employer thought I would leave after just a short period of time. It's not what I would have done, but I understand the employer not wanting to take that risk, not really knowing me very well. It forced me to dust my shoulders off and begin the search once more. Just one more task that needs to be done, but I'm hoping I find the right job when the time comes. This could simply be a lesson in not settling.

Learning to set goals.

As I read through the introduction of the Happiness Project, I came to realize something. Setting goals for yourself is important. Not just long term goals, but short term ones as well. I have been very focused on my long term goals over the years, but not my short term goals. Why is this? Short term goals are just as important as their counterparts. In fact, for me, they might be even more important. I struggle with long term goals, mostly because of the fact that it takes time to see the results of your labor. I feel as if short term goals go unnoticed. They are virtually invisible because I don't give enough credence to them in the first place. Accomplishing the simple tasks of everyday life does in fact take effort. I know that in my case, doing the laundry and making sure I fold it afterwards, is a serious task. I hate to fold the laundry. But at the same time, I hate to see it sit in the basket and I curse like a sailor when I cannot locate a particular item.

So, one of the first goals I plan to set for myself, as I continue to read, is to make short term goals. Little goals or tasks for each week that will help me build that sense of accomplishment, especially while I'm job hunting. That in itself is emotionally draining. Over time, I'm hoping that repeating these tasks and getting into the routine of doing them will make them less taxing. Because at this point, that's exactly what each one feels like, leaving me less inclined to do the next task at hand.

Seems appropriate to start small. In essence, these are the types of daily tasks that just grow slowly until they become too overwhelming for me to handle. For example, the first item is washing out my coffee cup. If I am not active in doing this, I eventually get a crowd of coffee cups on the table - as if the table is hosting a small porcelain party to which I am not invited. Who wouldn't be sad after not being invited to a party? Truth be told, I realize that none of these tasks are earth shattering or life changing, but when lumped together I imagine they can and do make a impact on my mood each day. That's what I want to change.

Before I bid everyone goodnight, I would like to invite all of you to join in on my little happiness project. Or perhaps you are in need of your own happiness project? Whatever the reason, feel free to join in on the comments and write your own posts as I go along. The journey is bound to be different for each of us, but I welcome you to share. Let's build a little community, shall we?

Adventures in the bookstore.

Wow, January? Seriously? Ok, I can work with that.

I want to tell you all about the past several weeks, how everything has been so busy and out of control. But, that tends me send me into a not so happy place, so let's not talk about all that right now. Instead I want to talk about books. Yes, those crisp, aromatic pages that send me into a place of ultimate comfort. Too much?

The book I want to talk about is called the Happiness Project. Heard of it? I found it on a self-help table in my local bookstore. The cover intrigued me, as did the title. So, I picked it up and read the back cover. You know, after I had stared at the front for a little while, but that's not the point here. The book chronicles the author's quest to be happier and find her ultimate sources of happiness. Sounds helpful, right? As I stood there staring at the book, I tried to be honest with myself. I could certainly use a little help in learning to be happier. I mean, things have been a little rough lately. What did I do next? I bought the book, of course.

While I was in the bookstore, I did venture over to the self-help section. I started to peruse the various titles, some of which were quite amusing. However, what I was looking was a book on mindfulness. Essentially, you learn how you process your thoughts, find your inner balance, and be mindful of the way that you view the rest of the world. Sounds a little hippie, doesn't it? I know. But I know someone who has been working through the process and she feels like it actually works. Learning to process my thoughts differently could be good. It's something that I struggle with on a daily basis now. But it's kind of funny, while I was in the self-help section, I thought for sure that I would feel self-conscious of myself. For instance, people would stare and wonder why I needed self-help or if there was something wrong with me. Those are the kinds of thoughts that are irrational and only inflict pain on me. Or so they tell you in learning to be mindful. So I plan to give it a shot. I don't really have anything to lose. If it works, I plan to share it. Maybe it will help others who are on their own journey to being happier in life. Who knows? The future is uncertain.

And with that I'm going to go enjoy some piping hot pancakes with some of my favorite people. We decided that going to iHop this morning would be fun. In fact, I think I dreamt about it last night. It has been so long since I've been there! I promise that there was no drool though. Scout's honor.