Hello, VEDA 2013!

Do you know what time it is?

It's time for VEDA 2013! 

That's right, I am participating in VEDA this year. What is VEDA you ask? Well, head on over here to read more about it. The short version is that you vlog every day for a whole month, specifically the month of August. Each day you are given a topic to vlog about and from there you are supposed to post your video, view and comment on videos that other participants have uploaded. It is a wonderful way to meet new people. Also, vlogging every day for a month is challenging, more so than you would think.

If you are interested in viewing my vlogs, check out my youtube channel here. You'll find them all grouped under VEDA 2013 Playlist.

I will try to post each video on the day that I upload it. You may see two at a time if I fall behind at some point. It's possible...

One of those days.

Yesterday was one of those days. You know, the kind where the day doesn't move fast enough and all you can think about is that in x number of hours, it will be over with and a new day will begin? Yes, that kind. Yesterday was stressful. I had knots in my stomach all day and anxiety ate at me like a pack of wild dogs. I really don't know if I want to talk about what caused all of this because a) it's embarrassing and b) I'm not ready. Maybe I'll feel braver tomorrow? Who knows...

For now, I'm just going to admit to having a bad day and try to focus on the one at hand. I'm hopeful that this one will be better than the last. I'll do everything I can to make it so and that's all I can do.

I hope to have happier news tomorrow. :)

No words.

I really don't even know where to begin this post. Right now, I feel as if my whole world has been turned upside down, like I'm Alice, suddenly tumbling down the rabbit hole, headed straight for Underland. This isn't the first time I've felt this way, but this is certainly the biggest shock I've had in several years.

To clarify slightly, I just found out about something that changes my entire outlook/perspective on my childhood/adolescence. I realize that this is beyond vague, but I'm not even sure if I am ready to share everything. My mind is totally and officially BLOWN right now. There is just nothing that can be done, except to mull over the information I've been given and try to figure out exactly what this means for me.

Has something like this ever happened to you? Have you ever been told something or discovered something about someone you know and love? Something big? Have you ever had to re-examine your whole life from this new perspective, to rethink absolutely everything? That is what is happening right now...

Year One.

It has been a while since my last post, but I thought I would poke my head in and check on things. Not much has been happening recently. Since I began working full-time, I've had a severe case of computer-itis. Computer-itis, for those of you who are unfamiliar with the term, is basically aversion to using your computer at the end of the work day. I've been spending a lot of time on our computer at work, therefore the absolute last thing I feel like doing when I get home is dragging out my laptop, despite its portability. I mean I could use it while lounging on the couch, but I just have very little motivation. When I get home, I usually reach for a nice glass of wine, cozy up to my husband, and then we get to talking about our days at work. Oh, we also tend to scrounge up whatever we can for dinner, especially since I have not been in the cooking mood as of late.

However, tonight I had some bills to pay. Sad, but true. So, I thought I would see if I could suppress my computer-itis and update you all on life. Well, the most recent happenings. About a month ago, Husband and I celebrated our one-year anniversary of marriage. I still can't believe that we've been married for a WHOLE year. It just boggles my mind. I've heard from many friends and family members that this is a good thing. It feels like a good thing. We've had some minor ups and downs over the course of our first year of marriage, but we have come through stronger and wiser. I love him just as much as the day we got married and am looking forward to our many years ahead.

We celebrated our anniversary by taking a trip to Asheville, a place we have been many times and fell in love with long ago. It was also our honeymoon spot. We stayed for a little less than a week and as usual, our stay was wonderful. We had lots of good food, did some shopping, and enjoyed some of the local micro-breweries. That last one was mostly for the Husband though. He loves his beer. I love my cheese. Enough said.

In our second year, we plan to tackle some more house remodeling projects. This will be a test of our strength as a couple, I'm sure. We are going to remodel our two main floor bathrooms, merging them in order to create one really nice bathroom. There is just no purpose in having two tiny bathrooms - and I do mean TINY. Beyond that we might update our kitchen some and add some more storage in for clothing and other random objects that seem to float around our house. Oh and paint. Good lord, we are finally going to paint. Hallelujah.

Shield your eyes and ears, because here comes the mush.

I wish I could express just how wonderful my husband is, but words just cannot describe how I feel. All I can say is that I am truly grateful for all that we have shared together and delight in the fact that we will share so much more. He chose me to be his wife and I chose him as my husband. There is no question that saying yes to him was the right decision. There could not be a better choice. It is the single greatest choice we have made so far. Being his wife is a blessing and something that I will always strive to appreciate. I never want to take him for granted. I hope to be worthy of him and his love for the rest of my days, whether they be long or short. I will always love him.

Starting Fresh.

I haven't written anything in ages. It feels a bit weird, foreign even. I took a break from internet life and focused on things at home. It felt good. I know I didn't really say anything about it, but I really didn't feel the need. I knew I would return, eventually. I just didn't know when, so why bother with a specific date or time, when it was unknown? It just didn't make sense.

A lot has changed since then. My last post was in October, yes I had to look it up...no judgements, please. The post was about my job and the wonderful lady who trained me. She was my mentor, for all intents and purposes. I miss her.

I am still loving my job. My initial role and responsibilities have changed, or rather morphed into something better. I've taken on many new challenges and am slowly, finding out that I am capable of a lot more than I ever believed I was. I cannot tell you how satisfying it is to know you can do just about anything you set your mind to. It's just amazing. Period.

Work hasn't been the only part of my life to change, my home life has also changed drastically. Husband and I bought a house. Yes, a house! It's our first home and I love it. It is a brick ranch style home with three bedrooms and bathrooms, a modest yard, a full basement, and lots of potential. I'm talking about move-in-ready with the potential for change down the road. It isn't really a fixer-uper by any means. But, oh the potential!

The packing and moving process was awful, though this is kind of standard, from what I hear. We learned that we have way too much crap, not stuff, crap. Most of it needed to be thrown out or donated. But, at the end of the day, we have a home. It's ours. It is our safe haven, where we can relax and make our own rules. That might sound childish, but those of you who have spent most of your life living with roommates will understand, especially when you are a couple. I am beyond grateful to have a place to come home to at the end of the day. A place where I can just be with my Husband and mischievous, little cat. It's totally enough for me.

Dearest Kathy.

I always fret over what to title my posts. So, I am just going to write and hope that something comes to me by the time I'm done. If the title ends up being jibberish, you'll know why.

I've been at my job for about three months now and a lot of things have changed. Starting on Monday of next week, I will be the go-to girl. The brilliant lady who trained me, Kathy, is leaving and so everything is essentially passing to me. It's a little nerve wrecking, but I know I'm fully capable of taking on the task. Kathy believes that I'm ready and I know she wouldn't say that unless she truly believed it. That's just the type of person she is.

I've come to love Kathy like family. It may seem odd, since I've only known her for a few months, but she is an amazing woman and that is just the kind of impact she's had on me. I feel as if I've known her my whole life and though I know she needs to embark on a new journey, I will miss her dearly. She's a kindred spirit, the type of person who can walk into a room and make everyone feel loved. She lights up the studio in the morning, every morning, and I will miss that. I consider myself lucky to have spent these past three months with her. She has given me endless amounts of advice and I hope that she will continue to do so. I wish her all the happiness and luck in the world as she takes on life's next challenge. She has made my heart feel light, joyous, and full these past few months. May she feel the same going forward.

Just a sweet little note this morning, as I attempt to return to blogging. Baby steps, so I don't feel pressured or overwhelmed.

Have a lovely and wonderful Friday!

To the good man, the one I wish I'd known better.

Sometimes, the things that we least expect to happen, actually do happen to us. I lost one of my cousins within this past week. His death was very unexpected. I am sad to say that he chose to take his own life. I wish he hadn't, but I have to accept his choice.

I wish I could say that I knew him well. I wish that we had been closer, but we weren't. I know the kind of pain it would be causing me right now, but I would rather have that pain. Unfortunately, I only have vague memories of him, a select few memories from my childhood. I am especially grateful to have those memories, as I could easily have none. What I remember is a road trip we took, once upon a time. I don't remember when or where, but I remember it happened. I also remember how he used to babysit for me and my little sister. He was the kind of older brother that I would have wanted to have. He was a good man. I didn't make an effort to learn about the kind of person he had become and I will always regret that.

I am proud to say that the service this weekend was lovely. There were so many people that came to honor him. He was loved by many. A few people spoke about him, sharing some of the memories and experiences they'd had with him. I was amazed when my Uncle rose, to chronicle his life, among other things. I got the chance to learn about who he had become and I will be forever grateful for that. 

There was a terrible bout of storms this weekend. These storms began the night before the memorial service and raged on for several days after the service was over. He was there that day, listening to the service, comforting us all, as each of us realized we had to let him go. While I am not particularly spiritual or religious, I truly believe he was there. I could feel it somehow. It is tough to explain, but it's what I felt. Those storms were his doing. It was one of the things I learned about him this weekend, that he loved storms and all that came with them. He could not have picked a better way to communicate with us all. He will be forever linked to storms in my mind.

I met his little girl, Morgan, this weekend. She truly is the spitting image of my cousin. She is beautiful, smart, and definitely from my father's side of the family. I would explain what this means, but it would take too long. It pains me to know that she will never get to know her father firsthand. But I have hope that she will get to know the rest of our family and the kind of person he was.

With everything that happened this weekend, I am most grateful for the time that I spent with my family. Honestly, I wish, with every fiber of my being, that we'd had a happier reason to get together. I mean, there were family members that I had not seen in over ten years. It's sad, because there really isn't a single, good reason for why we all stayed apart for so long. Before everyone went their separate ways this weekend, back to our daily routines, we all vowed to gather once a year, at the beach, in honor of my cousin. I sincerely hope that we can make that happen.

You were loved by so many, dear cousin. I promise to remember the good things, not the bad.

On removing blogging burdens and guilt.

So, over the past year or so, my reasons for blogging have changed. At first, I blogged because I found it cathartic and I usually had something interesting to say. Now, all I feel is the pressure to blog regularly and produce worthwhile content. The thinking behind this being, “I should be the same as a lot of other bloggers out there.” While I would love to have supremely interesting content, content that makes me well known in the blogging community, I do not want to sacrifice my own happiness in the process. That's primarily why I have been absent for so long now. I would like to make a change though, which I have said numerous times, no doubt. If I remove the source of stress, namely, forcing myself to blog, then in theory I might want to blog more often. I do not want to offer up excuse after excuse for why I chose not to blog on a particular day. There is no need for that.

I do not want to call it quits, that is to say, remove my blog. It is a place that offered me great comfort, once upon a time. I plan to try and bring back that feeling of comfort before I call it quits. That is the plan.

The plan may also include watching the Big Bang Theory while I write my posts. That never fails to cheer me up or motivate me to do something.

On a lovely afternoon.

Lately I've been in a bit of a funk. I am not completely sure of how I got there, but suffice to say it has been mildly irritating. Last night though, I finally broke down and had a good, long cry. It always amazes me, how good I feel after I've let go and let myself cry it all out. That probably sounds odd, but it is absolutely true. I am one of those people who bottles their emotions, without even realizing it sometimes, and it always magnifies the feelings later. Magnified feelings = not so great.

But I am happy to state that the funk is gone. Score one for me! I had the loveliest afternoon today. Husband and I spent it in the park, celebrating a close friend's birthday. All that crying must have done some good, because it was wonderful and relaxed. Sometimes I feel like I forget to live in the moment. I love to be in control of everything, especially my emotions, and I will be the first to say that I have the hardest time relinquishing that control. Nick usually has to pry the control out of my fingers, because I totally have my emotions in a death grip. But that's one of the things that I am working on with my Happiness Project.

Speaking of the Happiness Project, I haven't mentioned it in a while. Or my progress for that matter. Needless to say that I have been quite bad about holding myself accountable. I'm working on that too, as you can imagine. It is a very long list and it takes time. But, I do want to share something small. This is just something that I've been taking the time to incorporate into my daily routine, simply because I take pleasure from it.

I love to sing, always have and probably always will. I sang for Nick at our wedding, because I know that he loves when I sing and to say thank you for loving me. It was a little present from me to him. Now, whenever the mood strikes me (and I'm not in public), I whip out my phone and shuffle through a playlist of songs that I love to sing to. It never fails to fill me up with happiness. And the things is, the songs don't have to be entirely upbeat or happy themselves. I am a sucker for lovely lyrics and sometimes, lovely lyrics come in the form of more somber songs. Here is what I've been listening to lately.

What have you been listening to lately? Please do share! I love to discover new music that I can play endlessly, annoying everyone in my household, including the kitten. Just kidding, sort of.

And then I changed my name.

I'm married. Wow, still getting used to saying that. It isn't that it sounds odd, but I've been waiting and dreaming about it for so long that it seems unreal at times. Unreal in the way that I finally get to say, I married the love of my life and hey, "this is my husband." Yeah, I'm having a moment here.

Yesterday I drove all around town, to various government buildings, in order to file the paperwork that's necessary when you want to legally change your last name. I began my morning in the probate courts, where you can not only request a copy of your marriage license, but a firearms license as well. Interesting how those two windows are right next to each other. Nick and I both found that amusing. Anyways, I paid for two official copies of our marriage license, the second being out of paranoia of losing the first. The lady handed me two very official looking documents that she happened to notarize right in front of me with her little magic notary device. It would have been magical if I hadn't walked through a security checkpoint and seen a smile somewhere along the way. From the probate courts, I paid a visit to my local social security office. The people there were oddly friendly, and within the hour, I had my receipt stating that I was now a Mrs. After the social security office, I decided that I might as well just go ahead and drop by the local DMV offices. Bad plan, very bad plan. Not only did I think that I was going to die there waiting in line, I took the world's worst photo for my new license. Seriously. Let's just say that I will be going back, paying the small fee of $15 or $25, and retaking the photo when I don't look like a hobo. Otherwise, I will be forced to hide my license (out of shame) for the next ten years. That's a long time.

I suppose the thing that surprised me the most about my whole journey, was that the process was not as hard as I feared it would be. Actually, with all things considered, it was virtually painless. Each time I walked into a different office, all I wanted to do was to tell everyone (and their mother) that I married the most amazing man on the planet. It's just something that I thought everyone should know, because I am so unbelievably proud to call Nick my husband. And it's odd that our relationship could deepen even more after our wedding, especially since it was so wonderful beforehand, but it has. Being tied to the person you love the most, legally speaking, has an effect on your relationship. I love him more with every passing moment and know that my love will continue to deepen with every day, month, and year that passes.

At some point, I will have some wedding photos to share with you all. Our photographers said that it usually takes about 2 or 3 weeks to process through everything, but I'm hoping I hear from them sooner rather than later. I am literally bouncing in my chair with anticipation.

SIDE NOTE: As a side note, I would like to draw some attention to the little badge sitting in my sidebar, on the right-hand side of the screen. (look to your right, below the blurb about me). I recently submitted a design for the annual Minted T-Shirt Challenge and would love for you to go vote. Of course, I would love you to vote for me, but please pick YOUR actual favorite. May the odds be forever in the best designers favor, as we might say if we actually lived in the world of the Hunger Games. Can you tell that I am excited to see the film?